My brother - we'll call him G, is 14 months older than me. He was married in the Salt Lake temple just over 12 years ago. He and his wife have 2 small boys. Last week, his wife asked for a divorce. He was devastated and heartbroken. Last night, his house burned down.
He and his wife decided to sell the house and each get individual apartments. G wanted to do a short sell and he started packing on Sunday. They boys are at my moms with my kids. He lit a candle to cover up the litter box smell and packed. Eventually he fell into bed, exhausted. A while later a smoke alarm went off and all he could see was orange coming from the kitchen area. He was able to grab a couple of things (but not his shoes or glasses) and got out, calling 911. I'm not sure yet how much damage there is, but speaking from experience- I'd say it's a total loss. He may be able to salvage a few things, but the house is irreparable.
I am SO grateful that he is ok and that the kids weren't there. Those poor boys have been through enough lately - they were in a car wreck a few weeks ago, their parents fighting and now divorcing. At least they won't know that fear of waking up to a burning home.
I haven't personally spoken to G. But my mom said he called just bawling, asking why everything was being taken away. I'm just heartbroken for him. I hate seeing loved ones go through such misery.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Monday, July 16, 2012
Sorry I haven't posted on here. I have been really sick with a cough, fever, headache, etc. I have been miserable.
All my girls are home, but 3 of them are over at my mom's. Pete is at work, so Martha is here to "take care" of me. When she's awake, she does pretty good. It's getting her awake that's the problem.
But she did have a great time at camp. She talked for hours about it. But I can also tell that the change in her med is not going to work. I've emailed her doctors office to request a new med.
The saddest thing to happen this weekend was that my brother and his wife are divorcing. She asked for the divorce. What makes me mad is she called me to talk to me about getting Carly out of there on Thursday night (she went to Pete's brothers house) and told me that she was leaving my brother. She said it was because of his temper and she couldn't subject herself or their kids to it anymore. I believed her and was very disappointed in my brother. But then I found out that she has been cheating on my brother with numerous partners for the last year. That REALLY ticks me off.
So all I can do is be there for my brother and pray for the kids. They seem to want the best for their kids at least.
All my girls are home, but 3 of them are over at my mom's. Pete is at work, so Martha is here to "take care" of me. When she's awake, she does pretty good. It's getting her awake that's the problem.
But she did have a great time at camp. She talked for hours about it. But I can also tell that the change in her med is not going to work. I've emailed her doctors office to request a new med.
The saddest thing to happen this weekend was that my brother and his wife are divorcing. She asked for the divorce. What makes me mad is she called me to talk to me about getting Carly out of there on Thursday night (she went to Pete's brothers house) and told me that she was leaving my brother. She said it was because of his temper and she couldn't subject herself or their kids to it anymore. I believed her and was very disappointed in my brother. But then I found out that she has been cheating on my brother with numerous partners for the last year. That REALLY ticks me off.
So all I can do is be there for my brother and pray for the kids. They seem to want the best for their kids at least.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Life is frustrating
I just tried to get a business loan from a locally owned bank and I got a
big fat NO. I thought small banks were supposed to look at more than
just a credit score. The lady thought my business was a great idea and
she was sure it would succeed, but my credit score is horrible, so she
had to say no.
What's the point of having small banks if they are going to act just like the big banks? The small banks are supposed to look at your entire situation; look at the person vs. the credit score. I have had kids that needed me at home and that meant I couldn't pay every medical bill. Three-fourths of my credit is bad because of medical bills.
And why can't they base it on the business idea? If a person has a solid business idea, that should be taken into account, right? But no, all they look at is the number on your credit score. What if Bill Gates or Steve Jobs had never been able to get their business going? I know my business would never compare to theirs, but you get the idea.
People have seemed to forget what the American Dream is all about. This country was founded by criminals (only because they decided to pursue religious freedom) and one of the strongest nations was born. I'm not even a criminal; I'm just a person that hasn't been blessed with an abundance of money who wanted to raise her kids herself instead of handing them over to strangers. I missed my oldest daughters first steps because I was working. I couldn't stand hearing her scream for me when I dropped her off with a babysitter every morning. I knew deep down that she needed me more than I needed money. My husband was a hard worker and it was enough to get the bills paid (most of the time). So fourteen years later, I can't make my family's life better because I have a bunch of small medical bills and 1 large student loan that needs to be paid off.
Life can be so frustrating.
What's the point of having small banks if they are going to act just like the big banks? The small banks are supposed to look at your entire situation; look at the person vs. the credit score. I have had kids that needed me at home and that meant I couldn't pay every medical bill. Three-fourths of my credit is bad because of medical bills.
And why can't they base it on the business idea? If a person has a solid business idea, that should be taken into account, right? But no, all they look at is the number on your credit score. What if Bill Gates or Steve Jobs had never been able to get their business going? I know my business would never compare to theirs, but you get the idea.
People have seemed to forget what the American Dream is all about. This country was founded by criminals (only because they decided to pursue religious freedom) and one of the strongest nations was born. I'm not even a criminal; I'm just a person that hasn't been blessed with an abundance of money who wanted to raise her kids herself instead of handing them over to strangers. I missed my oldest daughters first steps because I was working. I couldn't stand hearing her scream for me when I dropped her off with a babysitter every morning. I knew deep down that she needed me more than I needed money. My husband was a hard worker and it was enough to get the bills paid (most of the time). So fourteen years later, I can't make my family's life better because I have a bunch of small medical bills and 1 large student loan that needs to be paid off.
Life can be so frustrating.
My younger 2 girls are home!! I'm so happy to see them that I let both of them sleep in my bed last night! They had so much fun on their trip though.
We had a big thunderstorm move through overnight and it's supposed to rain all day. I know we need the rain, but we don't need to drown in it!
My aunt struck again last night and really made me mad. She always has this way of opening her mouth and saying hurtful things. I mentioned to a family friend (who is in her second yr of college) that maybe she could help me out with my business now and then. I wasn't offering her a full or even part time job, just mentioning that maybe on occasion she could help me out and hopefully I could pay her a little bit. My aunt butts in and says "You don't have enough customers to hire someone. She needs a REAL job."
I just wanted to scream. I KNOW I don't have enough customers to have a full-time employee, or even a part time employee. But I do have customers that are counting on me to do a job for them, and there are days when I NEED help. When my husband is at work and my kids are either at school or on a trip, I sometimes need help. That is all I was talking to this girl about.
My aunt also believes it's ridiculous that I Photoshopped a truck with the designs and letterings I would like for my business truck that I would like to purchase one day when/if my business grows big enough. Not once have I said I need this truck right this minute. It would be nice, yes. But I know it isn't a possibility. It seems like her mission in life is to hurt other people and crush their dreams. It drives me insane!
And Carly is in trouble again. She got caught with another Facebook account and she was chatting with her boyfriend. The night I discovered the account, they were having a very inappropriate conversation. So I told her she had to break up with him and I was blocking his number on her phone again.
Why do teenagers not see that rules are there to PROTECT them, not hurt them or make their lives horrible?
And I have 4 more years of her teenage years to live through, not to mention 3 more girls coming after her. I don't know if I will survive the teenage years!
We had a big thunderstorm move through overnight and it's supposed to rain all day. I know we need the rain, but we don't need to drown in it!
My aunt struck again last night and really made me mad. She always has this way of opening her mouth and saying hurtful things. I mentioned to a family friend (who is in her second yr of college) that maybe she could help me out with my business now and then. I wasn't offering her a full or even part time job, just mentioning that maybe on occasion she could help me out and hopefully I could pay her a little bit. My aunt butts in and says "You don't have enough customers to hire someone. She needs a REAL job."
I just wanted to scream. I KNOW I don't have enough customers to have a full-time employee, or even a part time employee. But I do have customers that are counting on me to do a job for them, and there are days when I NEED help. When my husband is at work and my kids are either at school or on a trip, I sometimes need help. That is all I was talking to this girl about.
My aunt also believes it's ridiculous that I Photoshopped a truck with the designs and letterings I would like for my business truck that I would like to purchase one day when/if my business grows big enough. Not once have I said I need this truck right this minute. It would be nice, yes. But I know it isn't a possibility. It seems like her mission in life is to hurt other people and crush their dreams. It drives me insane!
And Carly is in trouble again. She got caught with another Facebook account and she was chatting with her boyfriend. The night I discovered the account, they were having a very inappropriate conversation. So I told her she had to break up with him and I was blocking his number on her phone again.
Why do teenagers not see that rules are there to PROTECT them, not hurt them or make their lives horrible?
And I have 4 more years of her teenage years to live through, not to mention 3 more girls coming after her. I don't know if I will survive the teenage years!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
I grew up in a small school and I lived there my entire school "career"
except for college. That meant I graduated High School with kids I
started kindergarten with. But I always hated school. I was bullied and
teased relentlessly. I was made fun of because of my red hair, my
hand-me-down clothes, my mom being a teacher, not having a dad, and
numerous other things. I never knew what I did to these people to cause
them to tease me from the day they met me, but I assume I was just "that
kid" that got voted as the best person to tease. Whatever the reason, I
often cried myself to sleep because of it. I dreaded school each
morning and I couldn't wait until the last bell rang so I could leave
the place I soon came to see is a prison.
I'm all grown up now, but the scars from my childhood are still there. I'm still self-conscience around other people. When someone is whispering to someone else, my first thought is that they are talking about me; and then my second thought is why would anyone waste their breath talking about me? If a friend of mine doesn't text me back or answer my phone call, I automatically assume I must have done something wrong. Sometimes I feel bad for my kids because I'm afraid if their friends see me, they will treat my child bad.
I don't know what it's like to be a "normal" adult because my childhood was so difficult. I listen to other women talk and sometimes I think "why can't I be like that?" I long to be one of the "popular" people in my church or social circles (not that I really have a "social circle"), but instead I feel like people are always ridiculing me behind my back about my looks, my weight, my clothes, or whatever else they might deem unacceptable about me.
On my good days, I can understand that my childhood made me who I am and that is just the way my Heavenly Father intended me to be. I try to hold on to that idea on the bad days. I think, slowly, I am getting over some of my fears. I'm trying to at least. But it's hard. I have been able to forgive most of those that hurt me for so many years.
So my point?? Make sure your kid isn't a bully. Bullying isn't just about beating up another kid. It's also about teasing them something or not picking them for a team (and then arguing about it with the other team captain when they get stuck with a particular child), or intentionally leaving out a child when they include everyone else in the class. Don't just ignore the signs.
If your child is being bullied, try to work with the teacher to resolve the issue. Be there for your child and reassure him/her that it isn't his/her fault. Let your child cry - because it may not sound like a big deal to you, but if it has hurt your child, it's a big deal to her.
I'm all grown up now, but the scars from my childhood are still there. I'm still self-conscience around other people. When someone is whispering to someone else, my first thought is that they are talking about me; and then my second thought is why would anyone waste their breath talking about me? If a friend of mine doesn't text me back or answer my phone call, I automatically assume I must have done something wrong. Sometimes I feel bad for my kids because I'm afraid if their friends see me, they will treat my child bad.
I don't know what it's like to be a "normal" adult because my childhood was so difficult. I listen to other women talk and sometimes I think "why can't I be like that?" I long to be one of the "popular" people in my church or social circles (not that I really have a "social circle"), but instead I feel like people are always ridiculing me behind my back about my looks, my weight, my clothes, or whatever else they might deem unacceptable about me.
On my good days, I can understand that my childhood made me who I am and that is just the way my Heavenly Father intended me to be. I try to hold on to that idea on the bad days. I think, slowly, I am getting over some of my fears. I'm trying to at least. But it's hard. I have been able to forgive most of those that hurt me for so many years.
So my point?? Make sure your kid isn't a bully. Bullying isn't just about beating up another kid. It's also about teasing them something or not picking them for a team (and then arguing about it with the other team captain when they get stuck with a particular child), or intentionally leaving out a child when they include everyone else in the class. Don't just ignore the signs.
If your child is being bullied, try to work with the teacher to resolve the issue. Be there for your child and reassure him/her that it isn't his/her fault. Let your child cry - because it may not sound like a big deal to you, but if it has hurt your child, it's a big deal to her.
Monday, July 9, 2012
Well, the letter I've been expecting for a while finally arrived today. Our foreclosure notice. It gives us a few pointless options, usually leading to our immediate payment of our past due amount. Well, if I could pay that, I would have never fallen into foreclosure in the first place. I wish we could just start with a $0 past due balance and maybe somehow I could make my payments every month. I'm hoping my business will pick up soon, but even if that happened, we would still be unable to catch up. It doesn't help that our mortgage is through the USDA, which happens to be the WORST lender to try to negotiate with because they are part of the government. So, we are up the creek without a paddle, so to speak.
Surprisingly, I didn't break down and cry when the letter came. I just feel numb. I guess cuz I expected it to come. Or maybe cuz I cried myself out yesterday.
But my little girls will be home either late tonight (not likely) or tomorrow evening! I have missed them so much and I'm glad they are coming home. Then later this week I will make the drive to Dallas to get my older girls and everyone will be home!! I really want to take them all somewhere, like the beach or to a shallow river, but the lack of money is again at fault for keeping us home and bored.
I still have a dream of being rich one day! I don't even care if it's not "filthy rich"; I just want enough to pay all our bills every month, have enough left over for enough groceries and a few extras, take my kids on a vacation once or twice a year (even just a short overnight road trip.) Is that really too much to dream for? It's just the American dream, I guess.
Surprisingly, I didn't break down and cry when the letter came. I just feel numb. I guess cuz I expected it to come. Or maybe cuz I cried myself out yesterday.
But my little girls will be home either late tonight (not likely) or tomorrow evening! I have missed them so much and I'm glad they are coming home. Then later this week I will make the drive to Dallas to get my older girls and everyone will be home!! I really want to take them all somewhere, like the beach or to a shallow river, but the lack of money is again at fault for keeping us home and bored.
I still have a dream of being rich one day! I don't even care if it's not "filthy rich"; I just want enough to pay all our bills every month, have enough left over for enough groceries and a few extras, take my kids on a vacation once or twice a year (even just a short overnight road trip.) Is that really too much to dream for? It's just the American dream, I guess.
I am lying here in bed, trying hard not to cry anymore. I hate crying myself to sleep cuz my nose gets all stuffy and my eyes feel puffy the next day.Of course it's not like I've been crying all day; just when I'm trying to go to sleep and I don't have the internet or a game to take my mind off things. So I'm lying here trying to go to sleep and all these depressing things pop into my head. I've been trying to think of positive things, but it isn't working. It's like my brain wants to be happier, but my heart just plain refuses. Or maybe it's the other way around. I don't know anymore. So I've taken something to help me sleep and now I just have to wait until that kids in.
I fully understand that so many others have it worse than me. I don't have a child dying of cancer or something, I'm not homeless (yet), I have a husband that loves me, I have 4 beautiful daughters, and so many other things. So when I feel so down, I only get more disgusted with myself because I have no good reason to feel this way. But I do and I can't help it. I just wanna cry and scream and be angry at the world and I can't really explain why. It doesn't make sense. I've prayed that these feelings would be taken away but I guess I haven't learned my lesson yet.
Wow, I'm listening to "God's Will" by Martina McBride and she nails it right on the head.
On a brighter note, I kept thinking earlier about how I would LOVE to take the kids to the beach soon. Of course money is a huge factor in whether that will happen or not. We would have to have money for gas, food, maybe a place to sleep. I mentioned it to my husband and told him maybe we could camp out, but he points out that we would need electricity for his cpap machine (and mine, I guess). I still haven't found a "primitive" campground with power, so I guess that's no longer an option. I watched an episode of John and Kate plus 8 today where Kate up and decides one day to rent a beach house and stay there for 2 weeks on Bald Head Island in NC. She planned it in one day and they arrived there the very next day. So just out of curiosity, I looked up rental houses on that island. The prices blew me away! It was about $10,000 just for the house for 2 weeks! I have no idea what she actually paid for it however long ago, but that's the going rate right now. How I wish I could plop down that much money without much thought all because I didn't want to deal with a fancy kitchen renovation (which I believe was given to them).
My cousin used to tell me, "Wish in one hand and spit in the other. See which one fills up faster." I guess that applies here. But then I think about what she traded away for that money; her privacy, her marriage, and no telling what else. I don't think I want money that bad if that were the trade. But I sure would like to give my kids half of what the Gosselin kids get, such as the wonderful trips, the opportunities to travel and learn about the world, etc.
At this point, I just wanna keep a roof over their head, food in their mouths, and maybe a trip to Disneyland before they grow up. But, I can't even manage a 2 hour drive to the beach.
Oh great, the tears are back.
I fully understand that so many others have it worse than me. I don't have a child dying of cancer or something, I'm not homeless (yet), I have a husband that loves me, I have 4 beautiful daughters, and so many other things. So when I feel so down, I only get more disgusted with myself because I have no good reason to feel this way. But I do and I can't help it. I just wanna cry and scream and be angry at the world and I can't really explain why. It doesn't make sense. I've prayed that these feelings would be taken away but I guess I haven't learned my lesson yet.
Wow, I'm listening to "God's Will" by Martina McBride and she nails it right on the head.
On a brighter note, I kept thinking earlier about how I would LOVE to take the kids to the beach soon. Of course money is a huge factor in whether that will happen or not. We would have to have money for gas, food, maybe a place to sleep. I mentioned it to my husband and told him maybe we could camp out, but he points out that we would need electricity for his cpap machine (and mine, I guess). I still haven't found a "primitive" campground with power, so I guess that's no longer an option. I watched an episode of John and Kate plus 8 today where Kate up and decides one day to rent a beach house and stay there for 2 weeks on Bald Head Island in NC. She planned it in one day and they arrived there the very next day. So just out of curiosity, I looked up rental houses on that island. The prices blew me away! It was about $10,000 just for the house for 2 weeks! I have no idea what she actually paid for it however long ago, but that's the going rate right now. How I wish I could plop down that much money without much thought all because I didn't want to deal with a fancy kitchen renovation (which I believe was given to them).
My cousin used to tell me, "Wish in one hand and spit in the other. See which one fills up faster." I guess that applies here. But then I think about what she traded away for that money; her privacy, her marriage, and no telling what else. I don't think I want money that bad if that were the trade. But I sure would like to give my kids half of what the Gosselin kids get, such as the wonderful trips, the opportunities to travel and learn about the world, etc.
At this point, I just wanna keep a roof over their head, food in their mouths, and maybe a trip to Disneyland before they grow up. But, I can't even manage a 2 hour drive to the beach.
Oh great, the tears are back.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
So at church, I conduct the music to the whole congregation. I was just called to do this and today was my second Sunday. I am convinced (lol) that I was called just to be laughed at cuz I have NO experience conducting music. So this morning, I couldn't seem to make the correct motions with the music. It was worse than last week. And then, I sat down in a different chair than normal so I wouldn't have to squeeze around the stand, and I forgot there was a step there, so I fell right there, in front of everyone. I was so humiliated that I just wanted to walk out right away, but I couldn't. At least it wasn't as bad as last week's incident. Lets just say it involved my skirt and my back end being exposed. After the meeting, a few people came and asked if I was ok (which was nice). Of course I'm fine, just caused a blood blister to form on my carpal tunnel scar (which is only a couple of months old). I had decided by that point to stay throughout the rest of the day, but suddenly I was overcome with a feeling of just wanting to cry so I left. I love the church and the gospel, but I have no one in that branch that really talks to me or cares about me. The only good friend I do have is out of town all summer. So I doubt anyone will even notice I'm gone. I hate feeling that way, but I can't help it. I'm so fat and ugly that no one want's to be around me.
Pete is gone for work and all the rugrats are still gone. This house is so quiet right now. It's weird not having to worry about anyone else. I get to watch whatever I want, eat whatever I want, sleep when I want, etc. I really do miss my girls, though. I talked to Suzy and Jenny last night and they are have a blast on their trip. I think they would be fine if they were gone another week, but they are on their way home (slowly!). They should be home Monday evening or Tuesday. Carly is driving me nuts cuz she wants to come home so bad from her Uncles. But I don't think it's cuz she misses me so much, but she misses her boyfriend so much and he gets upset which her simply because he can't see her when she is out of town. And this doesn't throw up a warning flag for her? Martha is happy cuz she starts camp today, so she's not homesick at all. Pete had to sleep on a couch last night at his work-site sleeping area (called a BOQ) instead of his room cuz the power went out in his building. If he had had a vehicle, he could have gone to the prison unit he works at to get a key to another room, but he has no car while he's there and the walk wears him out too much.
So today, I'm depressed and grumpy. It's probably a good thing no one is here for me to take it out on. I feel like this world would be better of without me in it. I'm not suicidal, just wish I had never been born. Pete would have found himself a better wife, my kids would have been born to a better mom - one that didn't give them Celiac disease and was able to take better care of them. My mom wouldn't be broke all the time cuz I wouldn't be here to constantly ask her for money. You get the idea.
I think I will go take a nap. At least no one will wake me up, except maybe the annoying kittens.
Pete is gone for work and all the rugrats are still gone. This house is so quiet right now. It's weird not having to worry about anyone else. I get to watch whatever I want, eat whatever I want, sleep when I want, etc. I really do miss my girls, though. I talked to Suzy and Jenny last night and they are have a blast on their trip. I think they would be fine if they were gone another week, but they are on their way home (slowly!). They should be home Monday evening or Tuesday. Carly is driving me nuts cuz she wants to come home so bad from her Uncles. But I don't think it's cuz she misses me so much, but she misses her boyfriend so much and he gets upset which her simply because he can't see her when she is out of town. And this doesn't throw up a warning flag for her? Martha is happy cuz she starts camp today, so she's not homesick at all. Pete had to sleep on a couch last night at his work-site sleeping area (called a BOQ) instead of his room cuz the power went out in his building. If he had had a vehicle, he could have gone to the prison unit he works at to get a key to another room, but he has no car while he's there and the walk wears him out too much.
So today, I'm depressed and grumpy. It's probably a good thing no one is here for me to take it out on. I feel like this world would be better of without me in it. I'm not suicidal, just wish I had never been born. Pete would have found himself a better wife, my kids would have been born to a better mom - one that didn't give them Celiac disease and was able to take better care of them. My mom wouldn't be broke all the time cuz I wouldn't be here to constantly ask her for money. You get the idea.
I think I will go take a nap. At least no one will wake me up, except maybe the annoying kittens.
Saturday, July 7, 2012
I love my girls. I love spending time with them. The little ones are in bed and I am spending time with my older girls.
Carly (14) is like a breath of fresh air to me. She just brings me so much happiness. Martha (11) keeps me on my toes. She is sassy and has the greatest comebacks. I love playing around with them. When everyone is in a good mood, we can have the best time. We tease each other and make bad jokes and just laugh.
I love seeing a side of them that no one else sees, and I love being able to totally be myself in front of them. I can't act like that with anyone else except Pete, not even a best friend. I love watching the woman inside of them start to shine.
It's different having older girls vs. having little girls. With the little ones, they are cute and silly and they are just learning about the whole world. It's fun to watch them grow and experience life for the first time. It's like watching a flower just popping up out of the ground. With the older girls, it's like watching that flower bloom. It's an experience that I wouldn't trade for anything.
I love having a front-row seat to watching my daughters grow and bloom. I am anxious to see the beautiful women they will become.
Carly (14) is like a breath of fresh air to me. She just brings me so much happiness. Martha (11) keeps me on my toes. She is sassy and has the greatest comebacks. I love playing around with them. When everyone is in a good mood, we can have the best time. We tease each other and make bad jokes and just laugh.
I love seeing a side of them that no one else sees, and I love being able to totally be myself in front of them. I can't act like that with anyone else except Pete, not even a best friend. I love watching the woman inside of them start to shine.
It's different having older girls vs. having little girls. With the little ones, they are cute and silly and they are just learning about the whole world. It's fun to watch them grow and experience life for the first time. It's like watching a flower just popping up out of the ground. With the older girls, it's like watching that flower bloom. It's an experience that I wouldn't trade for anything.
I love having a front-row seat to watching my daughters grow and bloom. I am anxious to see the beautiful women they will become.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Rant
Ok, so I have a bad habit of thinking about things
sometimes, and this morning is no different. I was thinking about my sweet
daughters and all they have to go through because of Celiac disease. Martha, Jenny, and Suzy all have it; my mom and I also have it. It isn't
just the lack of good food and such that they have to deal with. It's the
general lack of understanding by non-Celiacs.
If my daughters were to have a life-threatening peanut allergy, everyone around them would bend over backwards to make sure they never came in contact with peanuts. The school would demand that there be no peanuts in their classroom and probably designate a peanut-free lunch table. No projects would ever contain peanuts. Waiters would double-check that food has no peanuts. Friends and family would insure that their own kids don't eat peanut putter around them. Right?
So why is it so different with gluten? Is it because my kids won't go into anaphylactic shock and turn blue? Or is it simply because these people don't have to see the reactions my kids have?
I know most parents would avoid bringing their kids around another child who is sick. No parent wants their child to have a stomach virus for a couple of days. Well, neither do I. When my kids are exposed to gluten, they feel like they have a stomach virus for about a week, sometimes two. But they also have headaches, mood swings, and a lack of fever. The fact that they don't have fever means I still must send them to school. If I let them stay home from school, they would miss about a quarter of the year and wind up being held back. Kids with a stomach virus get to stay home from school and they usually get coddled. I have the approach that this is a disease they have to live with for the rest of their lives and they need to toughen up and deal. It may be harsh, I know, but it's the cold hard truth. I can't baby them everytime they get glutened because then they would never learn to move past the pain and live their lives.
So, back to my point. Parents still bring cupcakes and cookies into my kids' classrooms. Teachers still make crafts using noodles, play-do, and paper mache. My kids have to either leave the classroom or wear big bulky gloves that other kids tend to make fun of. When I mention to waiters that my child can't have wheat, there is this look on their face that plainly says "Oh, another loony mom forcing her child to eat a fad diet."
No one sees their reactions but me and Pete. In the months following Martha's diagnosis, it was the worst. She would (WARNING! GROSS!) get so sick that we would find her lying on the bathroom floor, vomit around her head and diarrhea around her bum. She was so weak that she couldn't make it to the toilet, get up out of her own mess, or call to us for help. We would have to hold her up and shower her off, dress her, and put her back in bed, and pray that the worst was over. Then her emotions would be so crazy that we had no idea how to handle her. She would be happy one minute and hysterically crying the next. Then she would be so sleepy that she would fall asleep at school or as soon as she got in the car after school. And she had headaches. All of this on top of the intense stomach pain and the constant urge to run to the bathroom.
So, if you have a celiac child, I totally get it. I know how you feel. If you don't have a celiac child, please understand that wheat is just as dangerous to our children as peanuts are to a child with a peanut allergy. It's that simply. Yeah, cealiacs don't get sick from smelling wheat, but kids are messy and leave crumbs lying around everywhere. My daughter has even had kids at school intentionally dumb bread crumbs into her lunch.
Please be considerate of people with Celiac! It's no fad diet and we do have reactions. We just know how to hide them.
Ranting is over!
If my daughters were to have a life-threatening peanut allergy, everyone around them would bend over backwards to make sure they never came in contact with peanuts. The school would demand that there be no peanuts in their classroom and probably designate a peanut-free lunch table. No projects would ever contain peanuts. Waiters would double-check that food has no peanuts. Friends and family would insure that their own kids don't eat peanut putter around them. Right?
So why is it so different with gluten? Is it because my kids won't go into anaphylactic shock and turn blue? Or is it simply because these people don't have to see the reactions my kids have?
I know most parents would avoid bringing their kids around another child who is sick. No parent wants their child to have a stomach virus for a couple of days. Well, neither do I. When my kids are exposed to gluten, they feel like they have a stomach virus for about a week, sometimes two. But they also have headaches, mood swings, and a lack of fever. The fact that they don't have fever means I still must send them to school. If I let them stay home from school, they would miss about a quarter of the year and wind up being held back. Kids with a stomach virus get to stay home from school and they usually get coddled. I have the approach that this is a disease they have to live with for the rest of their lives and they need to toughen up and deal. It may be harsh, I know, but it's the cold hard truth. I can't baby them everytime they get glutened because then they would never learn to move past the pain and live their lives.
So, back to my point. Parents still bring cupcakes and cookies into my kids' classrooms. Teachers still make crafts using noodles, play-do, and paper mache. My kids have to either leave the classroom or wear big bulky gloves that other kids tend to make fun of. When I mention to waiters that my child can't have wheat, there is this look on their face that plainly says "Oh, another loony mom forcing her child to eat a fad diet."
No one sees their reactions but me and Pete. In the months following Martha's diagnosis, it was the worst. She would (WARNING! GROSS!) get so sick that we would find her lying on the bathroom floor, vomit around her head and diarrhea around her bum. She was so weak that she couldn't make it to the toilet, get up out of her own mess, or call to us for help. We would have to hold her up and shower her off, dress her, and put her back in bed, and pray that the worst was over. Then her emotions would be so crazy that we had no idea how to handle her. She would be happy one minute and hysterically crying the next. Then she would be so sleepy that she would fall asleep at school or as soon as she got in the car after school. And she had headaches. All of this on top of the intense stomach pain and the constant urge to run to the bathroom.
So, if you have a celiac child, I totally get it. I know how you feel. If you don't have a celiac child, please understand that wheat is just as dangerous to our children as peanuts are to a child with a peanut allergy. It's that simply. Yeah, cealiacs don't get sick from smelling wheat, but kids are messy and leave crumbs lying around everywhere. My daughter has even had kids at school intentionally dumb bread crumbs into her lunch.
Please be considerate of people with Celiac! It's no fad diet and we do have reactions. We just know how to hide them.
Ranting is over!
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Cracking under pressure
Today has just been one of those blah days. I recently stopped taking my antidepressant and I find that everything just ticks me off now. My husband and Martha especially. I love them both but I just have a negative amount of patience and they need it from me, especially Martha. She just has melt down after meltdown, and considering she is the only one here. . . lets just say it wasn't a quiet couple of days while she was home. Carly was home for about 2 hours and didn't want to go stay with my brother, but commitments must be followed thru with. So she and Martha are gone again and it's just me and Pete.
Martha had a therapy appointment today and I visited with the therapist for a few minutes after she was done. The therapist strongly encouraged me to get counseling because I have so much going on and it's just too much for one person to deal with. Well, duh! That's what a good mother does, right?
Put on a good face for the world to see while she's crumbling on the inside. That's what I feel like right now. I don't need therapy; I just need someone to really listen to me, give me a hug, and sympathize with me. But my family only wants to "fix" everything by explaining stuff or treating me like I'm an idiot. That's not what I need. My closest friend is of course out of town for the entire summer and she is the only one that comes close to this.
I feel like a tea kettle that's about to blow under the pressure.
Martha had a therapy appointment today and I visited with the therapist for a few minutes after she was done. The therapist strongly encouraged me to get counseling because I have so much going on and it's just too much for one person to deal with. Well, duh! That's what a good mother does, right?
Put on a good face for the world to see while she's crumbling on the inside. That's what I feel like right now. I don't need therapy; I just need someone to really listen to me, give me a hug, and sympathize with me. But my family only wants to "fix" everything by explaining stuff or treating me like I'm an idiot. That's not what I need. My closest friend is of course out of town for the entire summer and she is the only one that comes close to this.
I feel like a tea kettle that's about to blow under the pressure.
My girls
Carly is an energetic, horse-loving girl. She has recently
decided that she wants to be a horse jockey and feels like she needs to start
NOW. She takes "lessons" weekly from a friend and is learning how to
take care of horses and ride. She is crazy sometimes, grumpy sometimes, and one
of my best friends other times. She has recently gotten in trouble because I
caught her “sexting” to her boyfriend. She isn’t even supposed to have a
boyfriend. We are mormon, and dating/boyfriends aren’t supposed to happen until
they are at least 16. So she and I have been at odds for a while.
Martha is very caring and loving. She really enjoys art and is getting pretty good at it. She suffers from anxiety and depression - something I'm afraid she inherited from both of her grandfathers and other family members. She loves animals and becomes emotionally attached very quickly to them. She is fun to talk to and a joy to be around.
Suzy is my quiet one. From the day she was born, she loved sleeping . . . as long as it was when SHE wanted to sleep. We often find her awake in the middle of the night watching TV. She and Jenny are best friends. She has 2 bleeding disorders and a heat intolerance (she doesn't sweat enough). Living in Texas makes the heat intolerance very difficult to manage at times. She is VERY smart but she doesn't like to try very hard, which is why she nearly failed first grade. My mom, a retired teacher, worked hard with her to try to bring her up to grade level and she passed!
Jenny is the princess of the house, and she knows it. She is silly, she loves to play around, and she can be a bully at times to Carly. She makes the funniest faces and can stare down anybody! She is tiny but very controlling. I'm afraid we have all created a little monster by letting her get away with too much! But she is just so dang cute that we can't help it! Lately she has decided to throw temper tantrums to get her way, but I have had to be mean and put a stop to that. It's been a hard lesson to her, but I think she is learning.
Now for the curve-balls: Suzy and Jenny are only 10 months apart . . . to the day and almost to the minute. They are true "Irish twins." It wasn't planned that way, it's just what happened! We also have several pets: 3 dogs (a small terrier, a large collie mix, and an even larger great dane/lab mix puppy!); 1 temperamental, old cat; 1 lonely parakeet; a few tadpoles (I don't even bother to keep count of them!); 1 large tarantula, and several crickets (food for said tarantula!).
Also, my 3 younger girls and myself all have Celiac disease. That means we can't eat gluten (wheat, barley, rye, and oats) or our bodies begin to attack themselves. I will save the details of the whole diagnosis stuff for later. But it has been a life-altering thing. Suzy and Jenny don't even know what a real pizza or sandwich taste like. They have never had crackers (that they remember, at least). They have never had a cupcake or cookie in their classroom that I didn't make or buy special. But again, that is another story.
My husband is truly the love of my life. We met when I was just 14 and he was 17 or 18 at a church dance. We were married 1 week before I turned 19. He is a wonderful father and husband. He loves to play with our daughters and tease them relentlessly. He works hard as a correctional officer for the state of Texas, and he has been there for 13 years. Last summer, he developed pneumonia practically over night and spent a week in the hospital. He hasn't completely recovered yet. He even spent 2 days in the hospital in January because of bronchitis. It scared me half to death when he got so sick. I was suddenly faced with the thought of possibly losing my husband and it terrified me.
Well, that is enough for now!
Martha is very caring and loving. She really enjoys art and is getting pretty good at it. She suffers from anxiety and depression - something I'm afraid she inherited from both of her grandfathers and other family members. She loves animals and becomes emotionally attached very quickly to them. She is fun to talk to and a joy to be around.
Suzy is my quiet one. From the day she was born, she loved sleeping . . . as long as it was when SHE wanted to sleep. We often find her awake in the middle of the night watching TV. She and Jenny are best friends. She has 2 bleeding disorders and a heat intolerance (she doesn't sweat enough). Living in Texas makes the heat intolerance very difficult to manage at times. She is VERY smart but she doesn't like to try very hard, which is why she nearly failed first grade. My mom, a retired teacher, worked hard with her to try to bring her up to grade level and she passed!
Jenny is the princess of the house, and she knows it. She is silly, she loves to play around, and she can be a bully at times to Carly. She makes the funniest faces and can stare down anybody! She is tiny but very controlling. I'm afraid we have all created a little monster by letting her get away with too much! But she is just so dang cute that we can't help it! Lately she has decided to throw temper tantrums to get her way, but I have had to be mean and put a stop to that. It's been a hard lesson to her, but I think she is learning.
Now for the curve-balls: Suzy and Jenny are only 10 months apart . . . to the day and almost to the minute. They are true "Irish twins." It wasn't planned that way, it's just what happened! We also have several pets: 3 dogs (a small terrier, a large collie mix, and an even larger great dane/lab mix puppy!); 1 temperamental, old cat; 1 lonely parakeet; a few tadpoles (I don't even bother to keep count of them!); 1 large tarantula, and several crickets (food for said tarantula!).
Also, my 3 younger girls and myself all have Celiac disease. That means we can't eat gluten (wheat, barley, rye, and oats) or our bodies begin to attack themselves. I will save the details of the whole diagnosis stuff for later. But it has been a life-altering thing. Suzy and Jenny don't even know what a real pizza or sandwich taste like. They have never had crackers (that they remember, at least). They have never had a cupcake or cookie in their classroom that I didn't make or buy special. But again, that is another story.
My husband is truly the love of my life. We met when I was just 14 and he was 17 or 18 at a church dance. We were married 1 week before I turned 19. He is a wonderful father and husband. He loves to play with our daughters and tease them relentlessly. He works hard as a correctional officer for the state of Texas, and he has been there for 13 years. Last summer, he developed pneumonia practically over night and spent a week in the hospital. He hasn't completely recovered yet. He even spent 2 days in the hospital in January because of bronchitis. It scared me half to death when he got so sick. I was suddenly faced with the thought of possibly losing my husband and it terrified me.
Well, that is enough for now!
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
I have been blogging for a while, but I wanted to change it up cuz my other blog had too much personal info on it.
I have a sweet husband and four wonderful daughters, ages 6, 7, 11, & 14. These 5 people are my reason for living.
I named this blog "Where's My Chocolate" cuz, like lots of women, I depend on food for comfort; namely chocolate. And like most moms, I discover that my kids usually find my secret stash of goodies and eat it before I realize it's gone.
My life is not an easy one. My husband is a state employee and doesn't make enough to pay all the bills.I am trying to start up a business but in order to run a successful business, you have to have money to advertise and buy equipment. I have 3 kids with health problems, and one of those has mental health issues on top of her medical issue. I will copy and paste my posts from my old blog so I don't have to go over them again!
On top of that, my husband had pneumonia last summer and has not fully recovered. The doctor just told us that unless he loses a lot of weight very quickly, he will likely die in his sleep one night because his oxygen levels drop to a dangerous level at night, even though he is on a cpap machine and oxygen. I have health problems that no doctor can figure out, so they just throw more meds at me to treat the symptoms.
So here's the intro (keep in mind that these names are fake!): Pete, my hubby. Carly, the 14 yr old; Martha, the 11 yr old; Suzy is 7, and Jenny is 6. I guess I will go by Sarah.
I have a sweet husband and four wonderful daughters, ages 6, 7, 11, & 14. These 5 people are my reason for living.
I named this blog "Where's My Chocolate" cuz, like lots of women, I depend on food for comfort; namely chocolate. And like most moms, I discover that my kids usually find my secret stash of goodies and eat it before I realize it's gone.
My life is not an easy one. My husband is a state employee and doesn't make enough to pay all the bills.I am trying to start up a business but in order to run a successful business, you have to have money to advertise and buy equipment. I have 3 kids with health problems, and one of those has mental health issues on top of her medical issue. I will copy and paste my posts from my old blog so I don't have to go over them again!
On top of that, my husband had pneumonia last summer and has not fully recovered. The doctor just told us that unless he loses a lot of weight very quickly, he will likely die in his sleep one night because his oxygen levels drop to a dangerous level at night, even though he is on a cpap machine and oxygen. I have health problems that no doctor can figure out, so they just throw more meds at me to treat the symptoms.
So here's the intro (keep in mind that these names are fake!): Pete, my hubby. Carly, the 14 yr old; Martha, the 11 yr old; Suzy is 7, and Jenny is 6. I guess I will go by Sarah.
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